The internet, this everexpanding network of information and the place we collectively spend more and more time into, is both the center of my world and a source of fear.

While this could be a rant about how the internet "changed" and it has transformed into a monopolized gambling machine that takes your attention and in exchange gives you constant horrors and dreams in the right amount to make you miserable and unable to quit, but it is not.

The internet is (or at least for now), anonymous. It is true that you could theoretically find whoever is behind a comment or a post, some people even give it for free, but as long as you're not famous and actively treat it with care, you can be whoever you want to be. It invites you to be yourself, since no one is watching.

Being online gives you the option to be true, outside of the eyes of reality, where your own limits, gender, tastes, biases, even body, do not matter. It allows you to just be, as long as you're okay with the world simultaneously never seeing you and always percieving you.

And it breaks me. I can feel my heart pounding, my soul weighing on my chest as any word I write is invisible and fully shared. As I shout without any context, without knowing who will receive it, knowing I might change my ways and that would still haunt me, to be observed by all of the people all the time.

Since there is no way to know it's you, you could try to convey yourself as you want to, you could even be someone you aren't, but it is impossible to truly be, you'll be a set of texts and images with the other person's view filling the blanks.

The internet is a dark cosmos, in which we all traverse hiding most of the time, and randomly giving flashes of our existence, never fully. And the worst part? There is an innate desire to try to find other humans in the dark forest, because the warmth of others is the only way to survive the cold eternal night.

And so, why this, why a blog in the era we live in, hidden in a corner without any real traffic, fully knowing every sentence here scares me more than anything. Because in this darkness, deep in the profound cosmos, those lights shine even stronger, because the fear of my light been seen as bad is not an excuse to assume all is evil, because at the end of the day, regardless of how many words I use and how the texts looks, I am human, I want to join the lights.